Over the last couple weeks I have heard several questions about mentoring and so I thought that I should explain things a little more.
Mentoring is basically not much different than hanging out with the students that I had in youth group. So, mentoring a child in foster care means that I will hang out with him and do activities or every day life stuff. But it does not mean that the child is moving in to my house. Hopefully that clears it up a bit. If you have questions, please ask.
Along those lines, I’d like to clarify a statement that I made in the last email. It is definitely OK to ask questions. But if you see me with a child, please refrain from asking at that time. Additionally, if you see me in public but there is not a child, also refrain from asking as you may not know whether he is nearby but out-of-sight. If, however, we are not in a public place and you know that the child is not around, you can certainly ask questions.
Please definitely ask questions and do not make assumptions about any part of the situation. I cannot tell you how frustrated I become when assumptions are made. I’ve heard a number of assumptions so far. Not a single one of them has been quite accurate and very few, if any, have been scenarios that would protect the child.
One other thing I would like to ask is that you think about the implications of the statements that are made regarding my meeting or building any sort of relationship with a child.
I have been asked a number of times over the last week, “Did you get your child?” This is a frustrating (actually, a trigger) statement for me. It implies that a child moving in to the house is imminent when I have specifically stated that this is not the case. When I respond (usually, fairly tersely- I’m sorry if you have been one of those people) I’m often told, “Well, I just meant ‘Did you meet him?’”
The two questions ask very different things. The first asks about an acquisition. The second asks about a relationship.
To give a fictional example:
Suppose my friend Fred was going to a party that I knew my friend John would also be attending. Through whatever circumstances, they are expecting to meet each other at the gathering. So, the next time I see Fred I say, “Hey, did you get your friend John?” What is Fred going to think of that question and how will he feel about answering it? On the other hand, suppose I say, “Hey, did you meet John?” How will Fred react to this question?
Hopefully that makes sense. If not, please ask for more clarification. Clear communication will help us all to understand what is going on.
Mentoring is not an acquisition but rather the building of a relationship.
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