"Now I'll Never....!"

My son gets attached to ideas.  When he decides he wants something, he has a very hard time letting go of it. 

Sometimes, that’s not a big deal.  Like when he chose his new middle name.  As soon as he heard the name, he was done trying to decide.  And in five-ish months, he has never wavered on that decision.

Sometimes, what he decides is not good for him and, if it’s not a situation where it’s wise to let him fail, it becomes a big situation when he finds out that he doesn’t get what he wants.

Other times, he might get attached to an idea and circumstances change, making it not something to which he actually CAN be attached anymore.  This gets to be really frustrating for him.  His reaction will appear mild until an hour later when something comes up that is in the second category above.  Then we have a big situation stacked on a mild situation and that gives a giant situation.

This is not uncommon for older kiddos who have come out of foster care.  The stability of one family for good is a whole new idea and, while they adjust, there are growing pains that cause big situations.

My son’s attachment to ideas is making me evaluate how I handle some things. 

Several months ago I started long-distance dating one of my good friends.  A couple months after it started, I let my kid know about it in stages.  First I let him know that I had a date and, when he could handle that concept, then I let him know that the dates were all with the same person, and a while down the road, I told him who I was dating.

Over and over and over we had the conversation that this person is not your dad; there is no guarantee that he will be your dad.

Yesterday, my friend and I made the decision to go back to being just friends.  My son found out this afternoon.  He was so mad at me.  He asked why we would make that decision and I answered it.  One of our other friends was here and helped out by asking me questions so that my son could understand some things.  After the questions, my son looked at me and announced with great irritation, “Now I’ll never get a dad!” 

Of course I had no response for that.  I can’t guarantee him a dad.  I never could.  And I never promised it.  What I did promise is that I will make sure that he gets to hang out with men who are positive influences and who have a good character.

Our friend was kind enough to explain this to my son since I was pretty much speechless.

But it has left me evaluating, should I ever decide to date someone again, at what point do I let kiddo know about the person?  I guess there’s no set in stone time frame or method.  It is just sad to see him so upset about losing the idea.  Maybe even more because I know that it is one of the very few things that he wants where the “want” is not just a passing desire.

He did appear to bounce back from it pretty quickly after that.  But his emotions were stirred up so that made homework time even more emotional than it would have been otherwise. 

It would be so great if parenting/single-parenting came with a step-by-step manual on how to handle difficult situations.  But I guess if we got a manual of monkey instructions (as a former supervisor used to call my step-by-step process guides), our kids would never see us fail, struggle, or have to rely on God.  And then how would they ever learn to manage life and live by faith?  How can they learn without a teacher....