My friend Heather has offered the following perspective on my last post.
I think perhaps the reason behind most people talking only about the adoption process rather than everything else going on in your life is because it is intriguing to them. Most people don't have exposure to adoption/foster issues and perhaps most of the other things going on in your life (job, church, family, etc) they also have going on, so it isn't as new or exciting. Kind of like when you are pregnant, everyone always asks how you are feeling, when you are due, and whether or not you are going to find out the gender. So...consider this your pregnancy! Everyone will ask you the same questions over and over and over...At least you don't have perfect strangers reaching across the fast food counter to feel your belly!!!
It makes sense.
But it also makes me sad. If this is how I interact with people who are expecting, then it doesn't seem to me that I am loving them the way I should. God doesn't just love just one part of me. He cares about the not-so-intriguing things, too. And that's the way that I need to love those around me. I hope that this will help me to love people better.
(And I've never understood the whole touching the belly of someone who is pregnant without their permission deal. If someone I do not know is pregnant, it doesn't seem right to invade their personal space in that manner. Actually, I've never touched the belly of someone that I do know who is pregnant....)
3 comments:
I'm not sure if I've ever groped a pregnant woman's belly, either, unless it was at her request to feel a kick or something. I know that wasn't the point of this blog, but that's what jumped into my mind.
You know how after children are born, women's lives become completely wrapped up in those of their children? I sort of agree with Heather...all this talk is preparing you for the onslaught. You already put many of your needs behind those of your friends, but children are going to be a whole new needy ballgame. Your entire life will begin to revolve around them out of necessity, whether you planned it that way or not. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing...I think it is what parenting is all about.
So I think when people are asking about adoption, they are (at least in their minds) asking about the most important thing they can think of about your life at this juncture. I suppose you can always guide the conversation into other avenues with clever segues, "You know my JOB actually covers adoption fees, isn't that cool? You know what else about my JOB?" "Yeah, I'll have an emergency contact in my MOTHER now that she's moving closer. But, then again..."
I think this is a 'both/and' situation. Preparing for a child to enter your life, in whatever manner, is something that takes over your life to a certain extent. And while it was sometimes tiring during pregnancy to only talk about pregnancy, it was also one of the things that caused the most joy, stress, and general upheaval I have ever experienced. So some days I'd think, "Please no more questions about the baby or the belly!" But many days I'd think to myself "I hope they ask about the baby so I can tell them about this exciting new change."
Plus, once you have kid(s) all anyone asks about is them anyway, so you might as well get used to it. Parenthood is funny that way.
I tend to agree with Heather. I believe people are trying to show you their support and a genuine interest to let you know they are behind you and support you in what you are doing. But I can agree with Crystal too. As you know, I am newly pregnant again and let me tell you, I feel like that's all people want to talk about. But when it comes to children, people are either asking and talking about it because they've been there and understand the joys and frustrations of parenting, or they haven't and are trying to get your take on kids since you're in that process.
Hang in there girl, but Katie hit the nail on the head when she said that once there are kids, that's all people ask about anyway. And you know what, as a parent you love when people care enough to ask about your kids.
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