In the fall, my Sunday School class was studying through Beth Moore’s study in Esther. I didn’t keep up some weeks and some days it was too much for me to process one day’s lesson and then need to move on to the next day so quickly (meaning, the next day). So, I didn’t finish the study with the rest of the class. In fact, I am still working on it.
In His infinite wisdom, God has used the extended time going through this study to address attitudes and issues going on in my life. It has been interesting the last couple weeks to see how one day’s study will directly address the previous 2 days of life.
I have never felt sorry for Haman before. Well, I guess I really don’t now. But I am sad for him. It seems to me that his insecurities led him to build for himself, external methods or sources from which to draw his worth. And all of those sources crumbled at some point.
When I was in high school I had the privilege of attending a seminar that dealt with that very thing. It was there, compounded with a study we had been doing in leadership training in youth group, that I really began to understand that the only non-temporal source for understanding my worth is Jesus Christ. Once I could see my value through His eyes, I no longer had to worry about how to hang on to the fragile self importance that could be drawn from other people. If only Haman would have turned to God to find the source of his worth, I’m sure the story would have had a much different outcome.
Lately I’ve been struggling with different types of pride. In my home state of Colorado, it is considered a huge source of pride to be a Colorado native. I’ve seen many use it as a way to condescend to those around who were not born here. I confess that I’ve been one of those people. I’ve also struggled with inordinate pride in several other areas of my life. Over the last couple of years, God has used many circumstances to help weed out those sources of inappropriately placed or displayed pride. Yes, I’m still proud to be a native Coloradan. I still love my home state. But I’ve been learning to love people for who they are, not where they are from.
On page 147 of the workbook, Beth Moore makes a statement that really hit home on these issues. She says, “There in the shelter of the Most High we find our significance and the only stisfaction of our insatiable need to be noticed. There and there alone we are free to be neither depressed nor impressed with the capricious reactions of this carnal world.”
Hey, God notices me. And because of that, I am significant. No need to try to impress the people around me or to be depressed when they are not paying attention.
How many times will I need to relearn this throughout life?
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