I Don't Want Ice Cream!

On Wednesday afternoon we went to the store to pick up a couple things.  Mostly my son did really well on Wednesday but he started to get a bit cranky in the store.  Rebecca had picked out some sherbet for us for after dinner and somewhere in the conversation I told him that if the attitude didn’t straighten up, he wasn’t getting any ice cream.  He informed me that he didn’t want any ice cream. 

Of course I knew that this was his angry response.  But we’ve been working on what it means to tell the truth even if you are scared or angry.  When he settled down, he asked about the ice cream.  I told him that I had decided to honor his statement/request and that the ice cream would be for Rebecca and myself.  He was unhappy the whole drive home.

So, that evening AJ and Rebecca were reading and I was getting things done for Thursday.  I pulled out the sherbet and scooped some in to plastic cups (haven’t found the bowls yet) for Rebecca and myself.  I didn’t say anything about the treat.  We just started eating it while we were all talking.  AJ suddenly realized that I wasn’t going back to the kitchen to scoop out anymore.  He asked if he was going to get any ice cream. 

I said, “No.  I’m honoring your request.  Do you remember what you said to me?” 

He said, “Yes.  I said that I didn’t want any ice cream.  But I didn’t mean it.  I do want some.”

“Well, that’s too bad.  You need to say what you mean and mean what you say.”

He was very unhappy about this.  “So you’re just going to stand there and eat it in front of me?”

“Yes.”

“That’s really selfish.”

“No.  We’re just honoring your desires.”

He sulked for a bit.

I used this approach once last week on something; don’t remember what.  When he gets upset, he has a tendency to say things that he doesn’t mean because he doesn’t stop and think about them. 

I learned earlier in the year that if there is a consequence tied to a statement, that he will stop and think about it.  He used to swear constantly when he was angry but when he started losing a quarter from his allowance for every word, he had some months where he got almost no allowance and some where his balance came out negative.  The swearing has virtually stopped.

So, now I’m trying out real world consequences for his statements (i.e. making them come true) hoping that he will begin to think about statements and learn to discipline his words and actions.  Getting angry is ok but lies and disrespect are not an appropriate method of expressing the anger.