Mathematical Unknown

Math is a framework by which we can define an unknown item. The various processes used therein have been derived from and tested by the laws of nature over millennia. Nature is extraordinarily organized and mathematical. Math is asking the question, “Why” and searching for an answer.

When I was in college, majoring in Applied Mathematics, I would often ask the professor, “Why….” It drove the engineering students crazy. I was regularly told to stop asking why and accept that it is. 

Also, this got me into trouble when I was growing up. If I couldn’t understand and I asked, “Why”, there were many “Because I said so” or “Because that’s the way it is” answers. 

Early in my career, another engineer was teaching me the finer points of Radio Frequency. As we walked in to one learning session, he started out with, “I’m going to show you this. Don’t ask me ‘why’. I don’t know ‘why’. Just accept it.” That was a little difficult for me but I appreciate that he was up front. (The need to know “why” eventually drove me to grad school.)

My brain begs for the “Why” - the definition for an unknown. 

So, people who know me well are questioning how overwhelmed I am with this whole “part of your bone is missing” thing. Where am I at emotionally?

When I get a new dump of information, it can be very overwhelming. During yesterday’s appointment, I was struggling to keep up with where we were at and next steps. The doctor left the room for a few minutes and my friend untangled it for me. So, by the time he came back, I could ask relevant questions. A couple times, they just had a conversation and I listened in. That helped me. 

The “why” is still under investigation and the timeframe for resolution is yet unknown. That is insufficient definition for my brain. So, yes, it can be overwhelming. 

One of my friends says, “Focus on God. Glance at my problems.” This is a succinct statement of the framework (cf May 14 post) that really works for keeping me from feeling overwhelmed. 

When I look at the problem, there is little I can control. To focus on that will ramp up anxiety. Antithetically, Philippians 4 says to intentionally choose to focus on other things to prevent anxiety. 

I can control is whether I am ready for potential next steps:

• Is surgery possible? Yes. 
• What would prepare me for that? How about ready-made meals in the freezer for when it is hard to stand for long periods? Yes, I can do that now. 
• Rides for if I cannot drive? Keep a list of the people who have offered. 
• If surgery happens in the next 3 months? Make sure that the graduation and birthday cards needed are already on hand, the yard and house chores are covered, and the dog has sufficient playmates. 

Those are all things I can do to take control and prepare. The unknown can stay on the periphery.

Over all of this, continue to spend time reading the Word and covering in prayer. Focus on God, glance at the problem.

Over time, the “why” will become known; the human based investigation will complete. Let’s be real here, none of this is a surprise to God and He already knows the “why”. Staying focused on the One who already knows the answer is key to the investigation.

I once read, in a graduate mathematics textbook, a concept that I have dwelled on many times over many years. I no longer have the exact wording from that book so I am paraphrasing here: understanding the mathematical infinite (figuring out large scale unknowns) requires pursuit of the Infinite, with the implication being that pursuing the “Infinite” meant to pursue the One who created the order and natural laws within which we function.