"I Have No Tact"

I was told continually when I was growing up that I have no tact. I spent a lot of years observing people that I knew to be tactful and learning to imitate their methods of approaching a subject. Over time, I did become more tactful. Unfortunately, the person that voiced this concern associated tact with being indirect in approaching a subject. While I have gained tact, I have not become less direct in approach.
Recently someone else informed me that they know they are not tactful. I haven’t known this individual very long so it is hard for me to say whether that is actually true or not. What I did observe in conversation with the person is that the statements that were being labeled as lacking tact were actually statements that lacked discretion. As the conversation was lengthy and was resumed on a second day, I have realized that discretion is lacking is volume and that gossip is abundant.

This has led me to seriously consider the idea that perhaps the true definition of “tact” has been diluted and to the point that individuals really believe that a lack of discretion is a lack of tact.

Dictionary.com shows that the word “tact” is defined as: “a keen sense of what to say or do to avoid giving offense; skill in dealing with difficult or delicate situations”.

“Discretion” is defined as: “the quality of being discreet, esp. with reference to one's own actions or speech; prudence or decorum”.

Tact is characterized by saying or doing things in such a way as to avoid offending. Discretion is characterized by knowing when to keep one’s mouth shut. In short, tact is worthless if the speaker is indiscrete in speech or action.

A host of problems can follow from a lack of discretion and one of those is gossip. This recent situation has led me to consider seriously the problem of gossip. Proverbs has a lot to say on the topic. Two passages jump out at me:

Proverbs 20:19 (NIV): A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.

Proverbs 26:20-22 (NIV): Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down. As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife. The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts.

Gossip can lead to destruction of reputation, destruction of confidence, and fighting. But without it, these things die down. Gossip tells another person that you are not to be trusted.