“I Won’t”

My Mom recently told me that my Grandmother always said to them, “Don’t say ‘I Can’t’; say ‘I’ll try.”

I’ve been over this same topic with my son using different phrasing since before he moved in.  Change is hard and scary and he’s afraid to do it most days.

Earlier this week he was supposed to study some definitions and facts for a class.  He conveniently told me that he didn’t have any homework until I discovered it in his binder.  I asked him to study for 15 minutes.  After 15 minutes, he was able to tell me only one definition out of 11 and zero facts out of 8.  I didn’t even bother with looking at short answer or essay questions.

I asked him if he understood what it means to study and he told me it means to learn the material “from back to front”.  I asked how to go about this.  He said, “Read.”  AND?  “Focus.”  AND? “I don’t know.” 

I said, “You’re going to need to memorize.”

He refused.

I borrowed Grandma’s line.  “Don’t say ‘I can’t’.  Say ‘I’ll try’.”

“I can’t.”

“Say ‘I’ll try’.”

“I can’t.”

“Don’t say ‘I can’t’.  Say ‘I’ll try’.”

“I WON’T!”

I told him that I don’t hang out with quitters so he could go to his room for a while.  He got mad and informed me that he was "miserable" as he stomped up the stairs.  Sigh.

I’m trying to understand why he thinks the rules should have changed because we moved to a new state and I’m coming up with nothing.  We even had a conversation before we left Colorado about how he was still going to be expected to do his homework, chores, etc when we got to Michigan; that the rules will stay the same.